capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
