I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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