he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
