I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
