Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
