Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
organizing the empties. That sober.
You took a bar mat shot.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
