32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
