U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
