I must be too annoying 4 u.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
