im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
