He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
