how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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