my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I will pee on everything he values.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
