Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The uberlube is also flammable
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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