you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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