It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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