David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
