Plan B is the new Plan A
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
