It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
