Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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