She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
