I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
