tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
