when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
