he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
