I'm sorry my penis didn't work
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
