In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
she smelled like a LAN party
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
