its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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