I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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