I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
