It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
