We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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