Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
