How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
