shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
