apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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