she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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