I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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