Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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