The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
