Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
