so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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