you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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