got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
