woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
