were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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