Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
