Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
