i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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