Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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