The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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