once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
