I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
