Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
