My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
