he shaved USA in his pubs
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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