who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
