I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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