Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
